Apple Beer Not-So-Sausages

So, apples, beer, and sausage. Three things that sound great separately, and together. Vegan sausage in this case is made of vital wheat gluten and assorted other things, and becomes an evil sounding almost-bread called ‘seitan,’ pronounced as far as I can tell as ‘say-tahn’ but jokingly as ‘say-tin’ to my wife’s unending eye rolling.

Anyway, to the recipe, which starts with…bulgur wheat. Yep. This stuff:


Looks delicious if you were a bird, but we want to make something different out of it. Cover it with some boiling water, being sure to get the camera cord in the shot as well:


And then cover it with a plate, like so, to let it sop up that water:


Great! Now get some of these things:


We’ve made another kind of seitan sausage before, and it also had a large number of mushrooms in it. The unsteak had a lot of them in it too, come to think of it. I’ve called mushrooms ‘the steak of the plant world’ before, and I guess it’s true here too. Anyway, cut the onions up (size doesn’t matter in this case (and yes, that’s what they all say, but it’s true here)) and saute them. Slice the mushrooms you took a picture of and remember you have some more in the fridge, then slice those and add them to the onions once they’ve gotten a bit soft like so:


Next, dunk these into a food processor with some a’ this:


(That’s a cored and sorta diced apple). Toss in some of this:


(If you can’t guess that one, I can’t help you). Add a bit of this:


(And drink the remains, because why waste tasty beer?) (Also, the kind doesn’t matter, this is just what we had available). And various amounts of all of these (that’s soy sauce, poultry seasoning in the ball jar, and white miso in the tub. everything else is readable, I think):


Or rather, realize you don’t have everything here, and run out to the store to get more thyme and more stuff for poultry seasoning, as well as some other spices for some other things in posts to come.

Anyway, add all those to the processor and blend it. It’ll look something like this, after you remember you’re documenting stuff for the internet and stop blending it up into a slurry:


After it gets slurried, it’ll look kinda gross, like this:


But it’ll smell really freaking good.

Remember that bulgur wheat? Now it looks like this:


Drain it, and add it to the slurry like so:


I know, it still looks pretty gross. I’d imagine real sausage looks pretty gross at this stage too, to be honest. We’re not yet done, though. Add some of this stuff to the bowl:


…like so:


Mix it all up so it looks something like this:



Gotcha. I forgot to take a picture of that bit.

Anyway, here’s where I messed up. What I should have done was blop a bit of the mixture onto some foil and shape it at that point into a vaguely sausage shape. What I ended up doing was shaping them into a vaguely sausage shape and tossing them into the steamer, like so:


I thought it looked weird, but didn’t think much of it. After the hour of steaming, I found something that looked a fair bit like strangely shaped steamed bread in the steamer. Like this:


Thankfully, because the seitan is still soft and malleable while hot, I managed to fish each vaguely sausage-shaped piece out…


and rolled it into a bit of foil, and hopefully shaped it into a little sausage rather than a steamy bread lump.


The recipe yielded about a dozen sausages, which is actually really impressive for a couple onions and a package of mushrooms. It also yielded some gross steamer water:



But anyway, we let these sit in the fridge for a couple days, and brought them to our friend’s house for dinner. Thankfully, they held their shape as well as could be expected. We grilled them up on the good ol’ In-Home Boxer Grill (George Foreman? Anyone? Anyone?) and they looked and smelled awesome. Like so:


Topped on a bun with some brown sugar beer mustard*, and had some sweet potato fries with delicious smokey ketchup*, like so:


Verdict: This tasted like those after Thanksgiving sandwiches. It was uncanny, really, and also really tasty.Probably a good thing we have about eight left! Our friends gave some of a the sausage to their babies, who are well into solid foods now, and they gobbled it up happily, so I guess it’s baby approved as well. It also went well with fridge pickles* and a zesty barbeque sauce* the second day, so that’s saying something as well!

*This is a staple thing that I’m sure I’ll make again and document at some point. Stay tuned!

  • The recipe used on this page brought to you by The Homemade Vegan Pantry by Miyoko Schinner. If you’re vegan or cook vegan food, it’s a great one to get. 

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