Smokiest Ketchup

So I’ve pointed out smokey ketchup a couple times now, and as luck would have it, we ran out. Means it’s time to make more! The funny thing is, years ago I rolled my eyes a whole ton at a couple self-righteous people who said they’d only eat ketchup they made. Bottled ketchup, like Heinz or whatever, was “supposed to cause cancer and birth defects and was a plague on the environment and what do you mean we’re being obnoxious” and so on and so forth. All that aside, now that we’ve made our own breed of ketchup, it’s safe to say we’re probably not going to bother buying any more if we can help it because it’s so freaking good. And easy.To start with, it has five ingredients. Four if you want. Three if you want even less, I suppose. Tomato paste (splurge on the organic hoity toity stuff, though, trust me), apple cider vinegar (Braggs is the way to go), and water are the necessities. Sugar is probably omittable, but it’s so little it doesn’t really matter in my opinion, and when we first made it we thought it needed a little something, and added smokey paprika. That really makes it, I think, but it’s also something you don’t need. This stuff:


Start by gently adding some paprika into a fancy holder thing, like so:


Perfect. Lightly dust the table with paprika for good measure.


Great. My wife was helping/watching me flail around with condiments (we made a dijon mustard* that I’ll put up in a few weeks when it finishes), and I made it a point to take pictures of stupid stuff along the way because “it’s important to document these things.”

So that went something like this:”Hey, you spilled some paprika. Is that important?” “Absolutely. *click*”

Scoop about a quarter cup of sugar:


It’s the only thing I used the quarter cup for, so I just set it aside without a fancy little bowl.

Try to pour a third of a cup of ACV into the 1/3 cup measure:


Fail miserably at juggling a phone and a new bottle of ACV and shake your fist angrily at the bottle as if to show it who’s boss.


“I’m right here and could help you, you know.” “Oh, I know. I chose comedic effect over the thing that made sense in this situation.” “Ah, I see.”

Once you’ve measured the ACV and poured it into a fancy side container, make sure to leave ACV rings on the nicely cleaned and wiped table:


Open those little cans of tomato paste- woah, that looks funky:


My dad taught me a trick to get a can of tomato paste completely out with minimal effort and waste- cut both ends of the can and push it out from the other side, like so:


Then it just plops, like so:


Amazing. Sometimes the pushed lid will stick around too, like this:


Then just add your liquids and sugar. Oh, it’s about 2/3 a cup of water, like so:


Don’t forget your specially set aside paprika:


Mmmm that looks…well, kinda gross.


Start mixing it with the rubber spatula, then get frustrated that it’s bad at mixing liquid and semi-liquid tomato goo, and put it in time out:


Grab a better mixing appliance…


…and go to town.


“Do you want help with that?” “…ok fine.”


Take note of the casualties: f


But marvel in ketchupy goodness!


Put that sucker in some jars:


(It makes about three cups, I’ve found.)


Banish the full jar to the frozen…uh…box. Ok, freeze it. Just freeze it, it’ll be fine.


And then fridge your tasty delicious remainder of ketchup and enjoy it with, well, anything really! Whatever you can put your mind to.

Hope you enjoyed this, and have a good one!


*This is a staple thing that I’m sure I’ll make again and document at some point. Stay tuned!

  • The recipe used on this page brought to you by The Homemade Vegan Pantry by Miyoko Schinner. If you’re vegan or cook vegan food, it’s a great one to get. 

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