Breakfast. The most important meal of the day, or so they say. Bacon and eggs and an english muffin with real butter. Or some steak and eggs. Or anything and eggs.

Nope, not if you want that pragmatic vegan thing going on.

Thankfully, the Thug Kitchen cookbook gets it, and will put you in your place for thinking that “weak-ass carnivore shit.” (Note: they probably said that. It’s in the tone of the book.)

So, that leaves us with one of the most neutral and pliable foods for breakfast: oatmeal. Not just any oatmeal, mind you, but quinoa oatmeal.

You’ll need about four things for this. Quinoa, and oatmeal:


Water, and a kettle helps a lot to make the process go a lot quicker. Set it to go while you get everything else ready:


And some kind of oil, which you’ll put in your pan you’re cooking this stuff in:


Set the oil to heat while you measure out your quinoa and oats. You’ll use a 2:1 ratio of oats to quinoa, and 4x the amount of water to oats (so 1/2 cup of quinoa to a cup of oats, then four cups of water. I usually double the recipe anyway, meaning 1c quinoa, 2c oats, 8c water).

Anyway, measure out your quinoa into an almond-stained bowl and rinse it a couple times:

IMG_20170327_094504Then, dump your oats in the oil and stir them around a bit until you can smell them:


Mmmmm, toasty:

IMG_20170327_094944Dump your quinoa in:


Dump that boiling water you prepared ahead of time in:


…and stir the ever loving crap out of it:


Add a pinch of salt from your salt fox:


Once it comes to a boil, set the heat to low and leave uncovered to simmer:


For about this long, give or take six seconds:


The cookbook says to let it alone while it does this, but I scrape the bottom once or twice while it’s cooking so it doesn’t stick:


That’s it, you’re done! Take it off the heat and scoop it into bowls. We tend to scoop it into two bowls and about eight tupperwares for the week, and it lasts for a fair bit of time.

The quinoa gives it a vaguely nutty flavor, but lots of protein to make your little bowl of oats last a lot longer. I usually top it with some maple or brown sugar, a handful of walnuts, and some pumpkin pie spice, as well as a splash of homemade almond milk* to cool it down enough to be eaten.

The best part is that oatmeal is a pretty easy to grasp food for breakfast lovers of all kinds, so it should be a hit regardless!


*This is a staple thing that I’m sure I’ll make again and document at some point. Stay tuned!

  • The recipe used on this page brought to you by Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck byMatt Holloway, Michelle Davis, and Thug Kitchen, LLC. If you’re vegan or cook vegan food, and don’t mind the occasional…ok, constant cursing to hilariously pepper your recipes, it’s a great one to get. 

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